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Addictions and Recovery

Break Your Addiction

5.0 out of 5 stars Only Read This Book If You Seriously Want Out Of An Addictive Relationship, October 21, 2009
"Just because I hurt so much doesn't mean I love him. It means I'm an addict in withdrawal." ~ pg. 190

The goal of "How to Break Your Addiction to a Person" is to get you out of an addictive relationship. This book is filled with revealing diary entries and stories of unhealthy relationships. While many of the examples explore the joy, love and ecstasy in staying with the person you "love," there is also a serious consideration of feeling panicky, needy, clingy, possessive, filled with despair, loneliness, jealousy, hatred and rage. The negative emotions you feel might outweigh the positive feelings as you get deeper into an abusive relationship.

Still, ending your contact with the person you "love" may make you feel suicidal or at least extremely depressed. However from personal experience I can tell you that the freedom you feel once you get over the person is worth "possibly" years of your time to get over them. In my first addictive relationship I knew the person for six years and it took six years to get over them. That may be an extreme example but I did eventually get over them and moved on with my life. I can say that it was the moment that I told my ex boyfriend that I was getting married to someone else that finally freed me. I had to force myself to get on with my life.

Yes this book will tell you how to effectively get over someone but it can make you feel as if you are dying or at least feel the "emptiness of a person eternally exiled." In the end you can thank your parents for your suffering, at least that is what Howard M. Halpern promotes throughout this book. You will be reading about your attachment to your mother quite a bit and how your desire to be loved by your father could be affecting your current relationship.

Long after feeling limerence you may experience "attachment hunger." To get over a person you have to understand that you are trying to satisfy your inner child's need for affection and love. It would almost seem less cruel to fall out of love with someone first instead of literally ripping your heart away from the person you desire. Being in love does last somewhere between six months and three years so you could be spending a lot of your time in ecstasy and hell. If you are a woman who seems to always be attracted to emotionally unavailable men then you may completely understand how you can be "hooked on the challenge of melting stones."

I would say that this book will be most helpful for people who are dating or who are in an unhealthy serious long-term relationship. I was not as happy to read about marriages that had to end. I feel there is room for marriage counseling or at least a serious bout of reading marriage books. Perhaps reading ten good marriage books before you divorce would be a good idea since it is especially destructive if you already have children. Just because you are going through a rough time (however if you are being abused do seek help immediately) doesn't mean that love cannot be rekindled. So that would be my only caution in reading this otherwise helpful book.

Here are some books I can highly Recommend:

Cracking the Communication Code: The Secret to Speaking Your Mate's Language

How to Get Your Husband to Talk to You

The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate

Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs

For Women Only: What You Need to Know about the Inner Lives of Men

Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex

Who's Pushing Your Buttons?

The Love Dare

The Secrets of Happily Married Women: How to Get More Out of Your Relationship by Doing Less

7 Stages of Marriage: Laughter, Intimacy and Passion Today, Tomorrow, Forever

The Secrets of Happily Married Men: Eight Ways to Win Your Wife's Heart Forever

Give & Take: The Secret to Marital Compatibility

~The Rebecca Review


Addicted Like Me

5.0 out of 5 stars Deadly Addiction and Recovery, October 20, 2009
"An addicted child is at risk for insanity, death, or suicide." ~ pg. 254

While "Addicted Like Me" will be the most useful to those who are caught up in a drug addiction, this is also a good book to read if you have a teen who is using drugs.

This book is written by a mother-daughter team so it gives unique perspectives. Karen (the mother) used drugs to numb emotional problems that were the result of her father's alcoholic rages. Unfortunately she married someone just like her father except he also beat her.

Her daughter Lauren had a troubled childhood and while she made some conscious decisions not to become like her father she ended up becoming addicted to a number of drugs (marijuana, alcohol and crystal meth). She in turn also got involved with abusive men, which made her life spiral out of control. Both women seemed to use drugs to escape from their abusive relationships. Once they were back in control they started to make better decisions and ended up with men who truly loved them.

Karen and Lauren eventually decided to no longer be a victim of their negative family legacy. While other people in their family died from drug related causes they decided to choose life. This book is their story of how they went from a totally hopeless situation to being totally sober.

What I liked about this book was the honesty of the authors. There is also a section that tells parents how to deal with a drug-addicted teen. Some of the information in this book could be life saving. I encourage you to read this book if you have issues with drugs or you know someone who does. Even if you have never taken drugs this book could help you to be sympathetic to people who are seriously addicted. There is only one person in my life who is struggling with alcoholism and this book helped me to understand why they may be addicted.

~The Rebecca Review


Changing For Good


3.0 out of 5 stars Understanding the Stages of Change, October 15, 2009


"The vast majority of people who change never visit a mental health professional or participate in an organized program." ~ pg. 16

Procrastinating, gambling, smoking, alcohol abuse, emotional distress, obesity, addictive behaviors, high-risk behaviors, interpersonal problems, depression, out-of-control spending, violent behaviors, compulsions, anxiety and panic disorders are addressed in this helpful book. While the case studies focus on alcoholism, smoking and obesity there is much to learn about how to successfully change a disturbing behavior. This book describes the following stages most people go through to be successful at eradicating problems in their lives:

Precontemplation - Denial
Termination - The end of the behavior

It is helpful to note that most people will fail the first time they try to make it from maintenance to termination. Relapsing is common and should almost be expected. "Changing For Good" basically explains the stages of change and explores what you can do to make it through each stage successfully. The case studies presented explore the principles promoted. There is advice on how to avoid temptation and information on how to renew your commitment to change.

While change might not exactly be easy or fun this book presents a winning formula for success. By understanding which stage you are in you can then progress to the next stage. While I found this book to be interesting I think the information is very general and doesn't give enough information to conquer any one problem. Here are some of the books I've reviewed that I think might be helpful depending on the issue you are trying to resolve (also see my psychology "tag list" for more books):

Children of the Self-Absorbed: A Grown-up's Guide to Getting over Narcissistic Parents

Anger Is a Choice

Coping With Bipolar Disorder and Manic-depressive Illness

Change Your Brain, Change Your Life: The Breakthrough Program for Conquering Anxiety, Depression, Obsessiveness, Anger, and Impulsiveness

How to Spot Hidden Alcoholics: Using Behavioral Clues to Recognize Addiction in Its Early Stages

The Anxiety & Phobia Workbook (New Harbinger Workbooks)

Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ

~The Rebecca Review




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